DISCLAIMER: DRUG AND ALCOHOL CONTENT. This post will contain several photos from days in my youth where I was using drugs quite heavily and how God orchestrated events to save my life. I don't recommend reading for minors. I want parents most of all to read.
I was 18 in this picture. I had been smoking marijuana since eighth grade. Using prescription drugs and drinking since sixth grade. No one knew. My parents never suspected. My mom worked long hours and I found my way into my step dads liquor cabinet when I was 12. I would steal caffeine pills out of her purse and I had an adult friend that would offer me Xanax and speed. I was regularly smoking cigarettes when I turned fifteen. When I turned 18 and came on the club scene I was a drug pusher at local clubs. I would be the go between for buyers and dealers. This is how I got free or discounted acid and ecstasy. I was spiralling out of control. When you are doing drugs that mess with your mind on that level you are always searching for the next greatest thing and for me that was cocaine. The first time I tried cocaine was in the bathroom of "the boiler room" it was an after hours club aka drug den located beneath "Fiction". I was with a creepy middle aged man. Here I was trusting "uncle mike" who I only knew from the club scene. Here he is handing me a key with cocaine on it. I had no idea what to expect. What I didn't expect was the cravings that came afterward. Not just for the cocaine but for the thrill. My parents were completely oblivious that their Angel was standing in a bathroom doing cocaine with someone they could have went to high school with. When we weren't at the clubs, we progressed to going over to our friends houses. It's amazing how easy it was for 18 year old to get their hands on these drugs. I was new to the club scene. It took one month of going before I knew who the players were.
I wish I could tell you that you matter. I know God feels so far away and your new friends seem like they are taking care of you, but they only care about what you can provide them. They are caught in their own downward spiral. The moment your life falls apart you will only have one friend who will stick by your side.
This is me when I was 20 years old, in a bar drinking. My family started to catch on a little. It was a few months before a night that would change my life. I wish I could tell you that you are loved and your family is worried to death about you.
I wish I could tell you that the drugs that make you feel better, will end up being your undoing. As soon as the high is gone you will feel emptier than you have ever felt. Dark thoughts will creep into your mind. You will wonder how a God like him could ever love a soul as dark and ruined as yours. Only God and you will ever know the depths you've gone to punish yourself for things that weren't your fault. I wish I could tell you that one night you will be partying with your friends and you will do too much cocaine and your heart will go out of rhythm. Your life will never be the same. You will be plagued with panic attacks and cardiologist appointments for the rest of your life. You will have to take heart medicine and anxiety medicine that will make you gain weight for the rest of your life and your heart will worsen over time. You're lucky you are even alive. This beautiful body you take for granted will never be the same. Your mind will never be the same. I truly believe that God works in mysterious ways and I know that everything happens for a reason. Because of what happens to me that one night, I was forever changed. I quit cold turkey. I had withdrawals but the fear of dying from the panic attacks and my heart rhythm issue woke me up. Drugs ruined my life. They ruined my mind, my body, but they did not ruin my soul. I thought I was ruined. Irredeemable. I thought I would do years of penance for my sins and still God could not ever look upon me in favour. I had been told that God could never love someone like me. I am here to tell you that is wrong. You can never be too far gone for God. He will meet you in your mess. He will reach down into the miry clay and pluck you out. I am living proof of his grace. I am a much better person today because of everything I've been through. We go through trials to strengthen us and prepare us to help others.
This is me last year in Haiti. My happy place. I still have panic attacks and a heart rhythm problem, but I am alive and I am so happy. I am the happiest when I am serving others. I have plans to go back to Haiti and serve. I still struggle, but I am much stronger for everything I have been through because Christ has been by my side. Please don't give up hope. God has plans for you, even you who thinks there is no redemption for you. I am redeemed. You too can be redeemed. It's never too late and you're never too far gone.
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Luke 21:28
And when these things begin to come to pass, then look up, and lift up your heads; for your redemption draweth nigh.
Romans 3:24
Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:
Romans 8:23
And not only [they], but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, [to wit], the redemption of our body.
Corinthians-1 1:30
But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption:
Ephesians 1:7
In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace
