After the Baked Milk Challenge, 2 Weeks

We have made it two weeks with ZERO issues! It is all still very new to us. Starting tomorrow he can start to have cheese crackers. Even though he is still fighting me on trying new things. I bought the Annie's Cheddar Bunnies because Goldfish have a less baked cheese coating on the outside. I will also be avoiding Dorito's or any "flavor blasted coating". I think Cheese It's would probably be okay, as long as they are the regular kind. I did a lot of research and Annie's was recommended.

Exploring New Foods

We haven't gone crazy with exploring new food, just kept it basic. Jimmy Dean's Microwaveable Sausage Biscuits are a HUGE hit. They are egg free as well so it was the first thing we tried that wasn't home baked milk. Our allergist said as long as it was baked and milk was past the third ingredient we were a go. He had Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls for Christmas morning. Cinnamon rolls are a tradition in our house for Christmas morning breakfast so it was nice to not have to make "special" ones for him. We have also tried Goldfish original and pretzel crackers. They are also taste approved.

Our goal is to eat something everyday that has milk in it to keep his immunity up so he can pass the second stage of the test in February which is the baked cheese pizza test. He still says he doesn't really care if he outgrows his milk allergy and doesn't share my enthusiasm, but I know when this is all over and done with he will be a lot happier. We talked about the things he would be able to eat next Christmas. I am hoping we will be doing the baked Egg challenge by next Christmas. His test results for Egg was not ideal for the baked challenge.

All I want for my son is some sort of normalcy. He is going into middle school next year and even if he is homeschooled he will be in Youth Group and that age is all about fitting in and making lifelong friends. Having food allergies doesn't help when you are trying to fit in, especially at the awkward time when things are changing in your body. He will always have his peanut allergy but things would be so much easier for him if his egg and milk allergy go away before High School.

More foods = More chance of Anaphylaxis?

Something that has been nagging me in the back of my mind is that as his foods lists increase, so does the chance for anaphylaxis. Baked items with Milk and Egg oftentimes have nuts or are processed on lines with products containing nuts so we will have to stay vigilant and continue to read ingredient lists. Unfortunately, even though it will be a blessing for him to have chocolate, chocolate is often processed in the same factories with nuts. So at the end of our Milk Challenge when he is allowed to have chocolate we will be doing some major research on dedicated lines.

Hershey fan? Check out this blog for info on Hershey Chocolate and Nuts http://nut-freemom.blogspot.com/2010/09/nut-free-lowdown-on-hersheys-chocolates.html 

Food allergy food therapy day 1 no bueno

So yesterday Drama passed the first part of the baked milk challenge. He can now eat breads, cake, cookies, crackers and other baked breads that contain milk. So grocery shopping should have been a fun filled adventure, right? WRONG.

Can you say meltdown in aisle 1? As I am flitting around checking ingredients on delicious goodies, Drama is saying NO to everything I pick up. I am going around pointing out things that he will be able to eat in a few months and he just retreats further and further and finally has an outburst in front of the Ice cream.

"I don't want to eat new things, I don't want my milk allergy to go away", I stopped dead in my tracks. Had to lean on Ben and Jerry for support. Excuse me? Me no Comprende. Did I just hear this child right? I just assumed after ten years of living without these things he would be excited to pick out new things he has seen his friends eat. I didn't think about the psychological factor.

I continued on my way. Picking up some Pillsbury cinnamon rolls (surely those would speak to his soul, right?)  Amy's cheddar bunnies, and goldfish pretzels.

When we got home I had him eat 5 goldfish pretzels. You would have thought I was asking him to detonate a bomb. Then he had his milk muffin for the day. I am hoping this gets easier. Its not just about eating new things. Continuing the food therapy will boost his immunity to the milk protein to where if he gets a big dose of it it won't cause a reaction.

I covet your prayers!

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV

Have a food allergy or a child with food allergies? Join my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/elijahshope

NIH link about Baked Food Therapy: http://www.niaid.nih.gov/topics/foodAllergy/research/Pages/immunotherapy-food-allergy.aspx

AAAI link about baked egg and milk immunology: http://www.aaaai.org/global/latest-research-summaries/Current-JACI-Research/ingesting-baked-egg-may-help-children-outgrow-egg.aspx

Baked Milk Challenge Part 2

The day is finally here. In a few hours we will start the test at his Allergist's office. Yesterday I made the muffins for the test. I have to say it was strange making food for Drama with Milk in it, something we have diligently avoided for ten years.

We arrived at the Allergy Asthma and Sinus Center and was taken back at 8:30am. The nurse took his weight, height, and vitals. His peak flow meter score was better today than last visit.

The Allergist came in and did an exam. She cut his muffin that I baked into 4 quarters and gave him his first dose which was 1/8 of a quarter. He ate it after some persuasion on both our parts. She then set a timer for 15 minutes and told me if he started having any symptoms to come and get her.

He was very nervous and didn't like the taste either.

Every fifteen minutes the nurse took vitals and the Allergist gave him an increased dose the first two doses were an 1/8 of a quarter then he had 1/2 of a quarter, a whole quarter, then quarter and a half for the last dose.

I asked his Allergist if he could have his allergy shots today and she said No because if he had a reaction we wouldn't know if it was from the shots or the muffin. So we will get our shots in a couple of days.

HE PASSED THE TEST!!!

He made it through the test just fine. I brought books and his iPad to keep him occupied. For now he can have home baked goods. In two weeks we can try store items like cheese crackers, cinnamon rolls, etc. He is still allergic to milk, he can just tolerate baked milk and eating it will boost his immunity to where we can try cheese pizza in two months and after incorporating baked cheese for a while he can try drinking a glass of milk.

It will definitely open up some food options for him, but he will still be limited since most things that have milk in them also have eggs and he is still too allergic to egg to try the baked egg challenge.

Need more food allergy info and tips? Like my FB page www.facebook.com/elijahshope 

DO NOT TRY THIS FOOD CHALLENGE AT HOME AND ALWAYS CONSULT A BOARD CERTIFIED ALLERGIST

If you are looking for an Allergist, we absolutely love ours. www.allergyasc.com
(Not a sponsor)

Helpful reading:

https://www.niaid.nih.gov/topics/foodAllergy/research/Pages/bakedMilk.aspx

http://www.gratefulfoodie.com/allergies-life-after-baked-milk-challenge/

http://www.healinghacker.com/baked-milk-challenge/

Baked Milk Oral Challenge Part 1

Drama has life threatening food allergies to Milk, Eggs, Peanuts, and Treenuts. Recently I took him to children's to have his blood drawn for an Immunocap test for Milk and Egg. An Immunocap test will tell you the severity of the allergy. Both his tests came back moderate, meaning he is still at risk of anaphylaxis but his allergist gave the go ahead to try the baked milk oral challenge. For this challenge Drama has to be off all antihistamines for 7 days and we will start early in the morning at 8 am. Protocol for the oral food challenges is for the parent to bring in the food for the challenge. 

The muffin recipe our allergist gave us is as follows:

1 cup milk

2tbs Canola Oil

1tsp Vanilla

1 1/2 tsp EnerG Egg Replacer

1 1/2 cups of flour

1/2 cup of Sugar

1/4 cup Salt

2 tsp Baking Powder

Mix all dry ingredients together, then add wet ingredients. Bake at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes. Each muffin will equal 1.3 grams of cows milk.

This is all new to me but it seems the temperature and length of time the item is baked is key. The allergist called to make sure I understood everything. She said they would feed him the muffin a quarter at a time and checks vitals, if he passed the test he would be able to eat cookies, cake, bread, and crackers with milk in them. Eating these things will build his immunity and we will be able to move on to the next phase.  After a couple of months we would move on to baked cheese. All of the blogs I've researched online mention Amy's cheese pizza. I haven't looked to see if it has eggs. If he passes the baked cheese test he will eat things with baked cheese for a few months then he will be able to try drinking milk.

It's so nerve racking to do an oral challenge. You are giving your child food that you have been telling them it could kill them. Combine that with a child who has Aspergers and is a stickler on rules and regulations (unless I set them) and it's double drama. He isn't thrilled about the test and could care less if this means he can eat more things. He doesn't like the risk. Which I can understand. If he has a reaction it will be the end of our oral food challenges. There's no way I will be able to talk him into it again.

I am praying everything goes smoothly and he will pass and a whole new world will open up for him. He won't have to stare longingly at his friends foods and won't be embarrassed to have to eat his "safe snack" in front of all his friends who are eating the same thing. We take eating for granted. Because most baked items containing milk also contain egg which he is still too allergic to, to even try the baked challenge, he will still be a little limited as to what he can eat. Will update as soon as we have the test Monday.

Advent and the Jesse Tree

Advent and the Jesse Tree

Advent is a season observed in many Western Christian churches as a time of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of the Nativity of Jesus at Christmas. The term is a version of the Latin word meaning "coming".

We started a new tradition last year. I have always admired the Jesse Tree my friends put out for Christmas. We couldn't afford a proper Jesse Tree so we made do with a small Christmas tree and printable paper ornaments. It's not about the aesthetics anyways it's about the story, his story and the events leading up to the greatest Christmas story ever told. 

What is a Jesse Tree 

The Jesse Tree helps us connect the custom of decorating Christmas trees to the events leading to Jesus' birth. The Jesse Tree is named from Isaiah 11:1: “A shoot shall come out of the stock of Jesse, and a branch shall grow out of his roots.” Jesse was the father of King David. We adorn a Jesse Tree with illustrated ornaments that represent the people, prophesies, and events leading up to the birth of Jesus. The ornaments of the Jesse Tree tell the story of God in the Old Testament, connecting the Advent season with the faithfulness of God across four thousand years of history.

This year we are using Unwrapping the Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp for advent. So far I really like it. It has beautiful illustrations.

This is a wonderful book we read for advent last year. The kids will love it! I downloaded it on the iPad, but you can also order it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc. I recommend this one over Unwrapping the Greatest Gift because it has a wonderful story line and I think holds little ones attention better.

Jesse Trees come in all shapes and sizes. You can buy a Jesse Tree from a Christian bookstore or online. Many people use small Christmas Tree's or a bundle of limbs. Ornaments can be expensive porcelain, wood, or paper ornaments. This year we are using printable ornaments that you can find here http://lifeyourway.net/free-printables/christmas/jesse-tree-ornaments/ We are coloring them and pasting them on card stock to decorate our small Christmas Tree. I like this hands on approach, especially as part of Arts and Crafts for Homeschooling families.

Examples of Jesse Tree's

Traditions are important. I hope Elijah keeps this tradition when he has a family of his own. I think it's important to put the focus on Jesus during the Christmas season. Much of the time it's chaos, buying and receiving gifts, stressing out about dinners, and the real reason of the season gets lost in the madness. Advent helps bring Jesus back in the spot light. It gives us some time set aside each night to spend closely with him. To dive headfirst into the gospels leading up to his birth. If there is any time to become intimate with your Lord and Savior it is now. This world is not our home and Jesus is coming soon, The King is Coming! 

Fundraising Idea's for your Mission Trip

I will be going to Haiti with my church in June 2016. One of the first concerns many people have when led to go on a short term or long term mission trip is cost. I know that if I am meant to go on this trip, God will provide the way. I absolutely have faith in this, but we are not meant to just sit back and do nothing. So here are some fundraising ideas I have come up with.

1. Chocolate Bars 

https://fundraising.worldsfinestchocolate.com

2. Papa Johns Pizza Cards

Contact your local Papa Johns. Ours offers us 2$ cards that we sell for 5$ making a profit of 3$.

3. Chili's Give Back Night

10% of proceeds that night

http://www.qdi.com/Chilis/CHGiveBackApp.pdf

4. Buttermilk Sky

They pick a new charity each month and select a pie. Through out the month a percentage of the pie sales go to that charity/organization.

https://www.buttermilkskypie.com/pie-it-forward

5. Chickfila

http://www.chick-fil-a.com/Kids/Local

6. Golf Tournament

7. Bake Sale

8. Rummage Sale

If your church has a large parking lot or facility you can host a HUGE yard sale by selling booths for 25$ to families to sell their stuff. Would be good to have a bake sale at this time.

9. Spring Fashion Show and Vendor Expo

Sell booth space to vendors, have a fashion show, vendor exhibitions, and or speaker/entertainment on stage.

10. Christmas ornaments

11. Chili cook-off

12. Parents night out

Host a parents night out at your church. Have games and snacks.

13. New Years Eve Party/ Valentines Dance

We have used this for fundraisers before. Sell tickets or ask for donations. Have food donated to offset costs. It's always a lot of fun.

14. Movie Night/ Drive In

Have a movie night or drive in. Sell popcorn, candy, and snacks.

15. Cookbook

I have family who cherish their church's cookbooks. They are a wonderful way to preserve history as well. My mom has one with my Mamaws recipes and other family who have since passed. 

16. Car wash

17. Bake Sale

18. T-Shirts

You will want to order shirts for your trip anyways. 

19. Pancake Breakfast

Several restaurants will host a pancake breakfast fundraiser. Applebee's is the one I see the most.

http://flapjackfunds.com 

20. Bingo night

Who doesn't like Bingo? Sell Bingo cards and offer Prizes.

Have a fundraiser idea that I didn't cover? Let me know www.facebook.com/thissinglemomneedsgrace

Good luck on your fundraiser! I hope the above idea's and links helps you. Remember not to worry, just have faith that God will provide.

What am I Thankful for?

In November Facebook becomes inundated with people telling us what they are thankful for, every single day. I've tried this before and I am just not good at posting every day. I would fall off before the halfway mark and would sometimes post a whole weeks worth of thankfulness in a day because life gets busy and I forget. It's not that I'm not thankful, do people judge those who don't post everyday? Does it make me less thankful? Of course not. It's just hard for some people. Especially those with ADD like me. It becomes boring and monotonous. I really enjoy the artistic expression of thanks. Last year Elijah glued leaves telling what he was thankful for to a thankful tree I had printed off of Pinterest. We will probably do something similar to that this year. So I decided that I would post all 30 things I'm thankful for at once. Of course I am thankful every single day for all these things, but in case you're interested here are my 30 things I'm thankful for. In no particular order.

1. My Salvation: I gave my life to Christ at Camp Galilee in Lafollette when I was eight years old.

2. Church Family: I have gone to Dante Baptist for 11 years. It's much more than a church to me. It's my extended family. 

3. My Son: I tell my son all the time that it's him and I against the world. He is the reason I wake up in the morning and God placed him in my life for a reason.

4. Parents

5. Aunt and Uncle who had a major part of raising me and helping me to raise my son.

6. My niece Eralynn. I never thought I would love anyone as much as I love my son. 

7. All of my Nieces and Nephew.

8. My Sister because she teaches me patience.

9. My Brother because he teaches me forgiveness.

10. My Cats because they ease my stress...sometimes. (I'm looking at you Ginsberg who eats all my cords)

11. Books: I love to read.

12. Technology: for helping me to express myself.

13. Modern Medicine: for keeping my son alive.

14. Missionaries: They are selfless and have such faith in God. I admire them.

15. AC: I am extremely hot natured and can not imagine life without air conditioning. I am so spoiled with it.

16. My sight: I see the Lord in nature. I am a very visual person with a love for art. When I look out at the mountains, the ocean, the sunset, a beautiful fall day; I see God in it. It speaks volumes to me. 

17. Prayer: Prayer saved my son. He was severely ill in Children's and was on a lot of prayer lists. I absolutely attribute prayer to his survival. My car has ran on prayer. I have had so many prayers answered and for the ones that were answered no, I am also thankful.

18. VBS: I love VBS. Every year I go VBS crazy. I love to decorate and teach the kids. It's one of the most favorite events we have at church. It's won a lot of souls to Christ.

19. Forgiveness: I've done some really horrible things, some things against my brothers and sisters in Christ. I've slapped God in the face with my disobedience and evilness. He took all of that from me and cast those sins as far as the east is to the west. 

20. All of my Aunts and Uncles.

21. My Grand Parents: I was born into a bible believing family thanks to both sets of Grandparents. I was born Methodist and Southern Baptist.

22. Homeschool: I am very thankful to be able to Homeschool my son. Some countries prohibit this and even some states make it very hard to homeschool. I am so thankful to live in a state where I am able to homeschool freely.

23. Music: I love to sing, just ask my son. He begs me to stop singing.

24. Dance: I am especially thankful for Rejoice because I am able to dance for God. I may not be very good at it but when I dance it's just me and God in that room. I pray continuously that others will be able to see him through me. 

25. Football: it's my favorite sport and brings me happiness. I started playing football when I was 2. My Dad taught me how to throw and it's something that we share together.

26. Stan Lee: He's the man. I love The Avengers, and everything Marvel.

27. Comedy: If I am having a bad day, all you have to do is sit me in front of America's Funniest Home Videos, Madea, Duck Dynasty, etc.

28. The Food in my house.

29. My home: it's a humble abode, but I feel safe here and my neighbors are awesome.

30. FINALLY......I am thankful for being a Single Mom of a child who is on the spectrum and has food allergies. I doubt myself a lot, but I have taken care of this very high maintenance child, on my own, for over seven years. It's an accomplishment and I've learned so much through every hardship I've had. That's something I could have done without all of the things I am so very thankful for.

Shew.....that was hard! I am sure I have missed some things. It is harder than it seems. Especially when you are typing on the fly. Leave me a comment and tell me what you're thankful for. If you haven't already like my Facebook page www.facebook.com/Thissinglemomneedsgrace 

Jonah no more

I remember going to a conference in Gatlinburg with my Youth Group called Winterfest in the 90's and feeling the call to become a missionary. I've always felt that call and yet I pulled a Jonah and ignored it. Things happened that pulled me away from ministering to others.

Even now that I am an adult I still feel that calling. I serve where I can am I am active in my church, but that hasn't quelled that pull to become a missionary. I keep telling myself it is impossible. I wouldn't know where to start. I'm so flawed and I have a child with life threatening food allergies and autism. 

I am so excited that I have an opportunity to go on a mission trip with my church to Haiti. We will be leaving in June and will travel to Saint Marc. I have been searching for opportunities to serve in Haiti. I've looked at Medical Missions an several other excellent options. One night I happened to find YWAM. One of my Facebook friends did a discipleship training school in Australia through YWAM and I followed her blog and her experiences so I knew they were a great organization. 

I texted my friend from church about it and she said that they had been looking into going with their kids. So it all fell together. 

MY PERSONAL CONNECTION TO HAITI

I was very blessed when I was younger to go on several cruises in the Caribbean with my Dad. One of my favorite destinations was Labadee, Haiti. It was the most beautiful place I had ever scene. I can only imagine that Heaven will look like that.

                        Labadee is a private island in Haiti owned by Royal Carribean.

 This place was my Heaven on Earth, I didn't know the desperation of the people just over the hills. 

I remember eating all this food and looking up and seeing children watch us from the rocks. It was hard to eat after that. Before we left my new found Nirvana, we had an opportunity to go to the market. If you have never been to a market in the Caribbean it can be very intimidating and when you are a child as I was it was scary. People are very aggressively trying to get you to purchase their wares. 

                                                            The Market in Labadee Haiti 

I was drawn to this one guy who was sitting on the ground with these beautiful hand made dolls all around him. His words still haunt me. He said "I will give you these dolls if you bring me some hot dogs". I bought two dolls from him but I did not bring him food because we were told not to by Royal Caribbean. To this day I wish I had took him food. That moment stayed with me. The children and the man. I pray that RC gave them the leftover food. 

My dolls looked like voodoo dolls and they are now locked in a trunk somewhere because they terrified me to have them in my room. I want to go back to Haiti and help the people the way I felt I needed to that day. A short term mission trip is what I need to get some insight into over seas missions and to learn more about what they do and how I can help. If God leads me I will go. I know he will prepare a way for me. I am so excited to be sharing this experience with my church family. I know we will be blessed for going and I pray that God will use us as his living vessels to bless others. We are the hands and feet of Jesus. Maybe those of us who feel like we are not welcome, lonely, out of place are made to feel that way so we move. God doesn't want the Jonahs of the world to be comfortable. I don't know...just a thought.

Parenting a special child

I love my son. He is my reason for breathing. That does not mean that everything is puppy dogs and rainbows. Drama has Aspergers and Life Threatening Food Allergies. Being a single parent is HARD. Being a single parent of a special needs child is even harder. 

Before I get started I want to acknowledge that I am fully aware that there are kids worse off than Drama. I know it could be a worse situation. That doesn't make what we go through on a daily basis any easier.

Something happened when this child hit 10. He got a lot more harder to control. He started being a lot more moody. I blame this on the start of puberty. It seems to have made his Asperger symptoms magnified. It's also made him ashamed of his food allergies.

He knows he is different. He sees when kids don't want to play with him. When they make rude comments about him being weird, he hears that and it hurts him like it would anyone. He has said he doesn't know why God "did this to him". He has been depressed. His therapist told me that kids like him are at risk for suicide. I don't have to only worry that food is going to kill my child, now I have to worry about him harming himself.

All he talks about are video games. This is pretty normal for a child with Aspergers who has this niche. I think it is extremely annoying. I try so very hard to listen as much as my ear drums can handle and then I simply tell him that he has reached his limit on video game talk for the day. Sometimes I'm not so nice about it if he continues. 

I try to explain to him that not everyone wants to hear about video games, but he continues to talk to anyone who will listen and mostly at the most inopportune times. For instance to a waitress who is taking our order, during Sunday school, random passers by. I'm serious. It's a major problem. Sometimes I take him to gamestop just so he has someone to talk to.

 He labeled this pic as "Deal with it"

Lately he has been so ashamed of his food allergies. Take for instance last nights Trunk or Treat at church. He said it was embarrassing that he couldn't eat the food they had. He didn't even want to go because half the candy he is allergic to. I told him he didn't have to say anything and we would seperate it out when we got home. He refuses to wear any kind of food allergy awareness apparel. My involvement in the food allergy community has dwindled because it embarrasses him so much. He hates being different. This is very scary to me. I worry that when he is older he may not tell someone he has allergies and he could die if he eats anything with nuts in it. A lot of food allergy deaths happened with teenagers. That's when over protective moms aren't hovering to make sure their kids food is safe. Teens may be more unlikely to ask if something is safe for them to eat or check ingredients because they don't want to be made fun of. They want to belong.

          Trunk or treat at church

Drama is getting to where he is a lot stronger than me. If he has a bad meltdown it is almost impossible to put him in a therapeutic hold. He could definitely hurt me if he tried. 

I would do anything to take this all away from him. He feels so defeated having food allergies and autism. He wants to be normal. He longs to have a Dad. Having a Dad who was in the picture would definitely make our lives easier. I think 50% of the stress would be gone. It's hard being the only one who makes the decisions about your child's health. If something happened to me, I'm not confident anyone could do what I am currently doing for him.

What people don't see is the schooling he does. He does his school online because it's so much easier than putting him in a school where he is at risk of an allergic reaction and having to deal with bullies. He thrives better being homeschooled. People say, what about socialization? I invite those people to observe him around other children at church. Kids know when someone is different. Not that many kids choose to play with him. When he was in public school his teachers said he stayed with the teachers talking their ears off or he played by himself. I've overheard kids saying "we don't want to play with him". It's hard for a mom to hear. There are a couple of sweet kids who do play with him and when that happens my hearts bursts with happiness.

I'm hoping with more therapy he will do better socially. 

He has great strengths. I believe he will do something great in the field of technology. It's going to take a lot of sacrifice but one day everyone will want to know him. He is the smartest person I know. He knows more about computers and gaming consoles than I could ever know. He mourned the loss of Nintendo's President. There were tears. He is fully invested in becoming the first American President of Nintendo. I would love to take him to a gaming convention. I feel like he would meet so many people he could relate to and feel like he belonged. He has begged me to take him to MineCon but it was in the UK this year and flying is definitely not happening any time soon. Hopefully next year it will be in Florida. 

     Future President of Nintendo

Drama is unique. I would not trade him for anything in the world. This is my purpose in life. To raise this brilliant child and to help him achieve greatness. It's been a long hard road and I am sure we have a lot more to overcome but by the Grace of God we will make it. We are all given our paths for a reason. I'm glad God chose this as my path.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

It's October! October is my favorite month out of the whole year. I LOVE Fall. Everything about fall. The cool weather. Bonfires. Pumpkin spice everything. Scarves. Halloween. October is also Domestic Violence Awareness and Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness month. I've already shared my Domestic Violence story so I am going to share my pregnancy loss story. It's one not too many people know about.

So there's this guy. There's always a guy, right? We were neighbors in Kodak. We lived in a very country community. He lived down te road from me and we were best friends as long as I can remember. We were inseparable. We went to school together up until he moved away in 2nd or 3rd grade. 

I was in Highschool when AOL and the internet became big. Somehow we found each other and began chatting online. It was like we were never seperated. It was amazing that even though we were apart for so long we became close again in no time. It was almost like fate. We dated for two years and he told me he wanted to marry me and he would never leave me. We had a very serious relationship.

I started feeling sick and went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant. The whole world came crushing down on me. I couldn't believe it. When I told him he begged me to have an abortion. He said it was the only way that we could stay together, that if I kept the baby he would break up with me. 

There's no way I was going to have an abortion even though several people tried to talk me into one. So he broke up with me. He left me. This guy who a week before was telling me he wanted to marry me and he would never leave me. This guy who I had known since we were in diapers. I was in shock and despair. I went through my pregnancy alone. My family was ashamed of me. My boyfriend left me. 

I went to my 12 week checkup and the nurses told me I had made it past 3 months so I was past the safe mark. The gave me a diaper bag and samples. I remember I had picked out these little white shoes. I sang every night to my baby. I talked to her. I already had her name picked out. Arianna. I felt so alone in the world but I knew when she got there we would be okay. 

I went to Kentucky with my cousin and that's when I knew something was wrong. I was hurting too bad. We got back home and I called the doctor. They told me to come in. That's when they did the ultrasound and said there wasn't a heartbeat. My ex came to the hospital.  Not sure who called him but he held my hand. That's the last time I saw him.

 I can't explain what I felt in that moment. That kind of loss just takes the life out of you. I had to have surgery. Afterwards I entered a very deep depression. Nothing no one said or did made me feel an ounce better. I just wanted to sleep. It took a very long time to start breathing again. 

I can say that time does not heal these kind of wounds. I think about Arianna a lot. I Imagine her playing in heaven with my Grand Daddy. I've dreamed about her. I know she would have been an awesome big sister to Elijah. I hope she watches over him. 

Because the hurt is so deep, I can not imagine experiencing multiple pregnancy losses or the loss of a child. I pray God eases all the pain and comforts us. 

I know that was a very big part of my life and it steered me to go through some things that have made me a stronger person today. I am closer to God for it. “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”

Matthew 5:4 KJV

Bear cove village and Wild Bear Falls Review, Mini Vacay

I took a little break from blogging and didn't get to blog about our mini vacay in August. My Dad wanted Elijah to have a vacation so he funded our trip. My Sister, Elijah, and I stayed at Bear Cove Rv. I chose Bear Cove because we needed somewhere affordable to stay where we could cook our own meals. Bear Cove has little cabins you can rent. Now when I say little I mean tiny it was one bedroom and the bed room was smaller than some peoples closets. The largest room when you first walked in was the kitchen and had a bunk bed with a twin sized bed on top and full on the bottom. The kitchen was fully stocked. It had a two eye burner, microwave, small refrigerator. The bathroom had a stand up shower and toilet. Plenty of hot water. Outside we had a fire put with a grill top. Everything in Bear Cove Village was so nicely decorated and well kept. The only issue we had was the freezer in the mini fridge was frozen up and the fridge wasn't very cold. The cabins are very close together. There is a walking trail, doggie park, fishing pond, two pools, and laundry mat. 

      Our home away from home for the weekend

                  The inside of our cute little cabin

The first night we drove up to Gatlinburg. Elijah picked out TGI Fridays to eat at. It wasn't very crowded and our service was excellent. They are excellent with food allergies. Afterwards my Sister let Elijah pick one thing to do. He decided to play putt putt. We went to the indoor blacklight putt putt. Elijah had 3D glasses that he did not keep on. I tried them but they were over stimulating. This was Elijah's first time playing putt putt and he loved it. We did not keep score but it was fun anyways, Elijah probably won. He was doing a lot better than I did. Afterwards we walked around Gatlinburg and headed back to the cabin. 

The next morning we decided to go to Wild Bear Falls in Gatlinburg. We took a ride on the trolley first to an arcade so Elijah can play some games. I'm very glad we went to Wild Bear Falls instead of Spash Country. It wasn't crowded and wasn't over stimulating for Elijah and the best thing is that it is all indoor and it's a small space so keeping up with Elijah wasn't a nightmare. 

The slides ares AWESOME. One is a body slide and the other you use a tube. I got my excersize for the week walking up and down the stairs.

Wild Bear Falls is an indoor waterpark. It has a lazy river, pools, hot tubs, play area for the kids, and two awesome slides. It's not huge but it was perfect for us and we really enjoyed ourselves. I wish I had snuck food in because the food was not good. You can leave and eat and come back with the armband. They also have picnic tables outside so you could pack a cooler in your car and go out to eat and come back. We will probably do that next time.

When we left Wild Bear Falls we went back to the cabin and made Pizza and S'mores. We lit a fire outside so Elijah could have a little camping experience. I really wanted to go to the mountains on our last day but it was raining. We had so much fun on our mini vacay and I am so grateful to my dad and my sister. I really hope we get to do it again. I would definitely stay at Bear Cove Village again. All we needed was a place to sleep since we weren't going to be there a lot and having a kitchen was a plus.

If you're going to grill or make a fire you will need to buy wood, we foraged for this since we just wanted a small fire for s'mores.

I was not compensated for this review.

BONUS LAUGH

This is me flipping after coming out of the tube slide, this happened EVERYTIME. It was comical for everyone who saw. 

For more information on Wild Bear Falls or Bear Cove Village:

https://www.westgatedestinations.com/tennessee/gatlinburg/westgate-smoky-mountain-resort/wild-bear-falls-water-park/park-info

http://bearcovevillage.com

“Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee.”

Psalms 116:7 KJV

Homeschool Review- Clever Dragons

I signed up for a free 15 day trial of Clever Dragons today. Looking for some enrichment games for Elijah and didn't want to have to worry about what was being taught or if it was in line with our curriculum or faith values. It is very appealing aesthetically. It is Gender based. You choose either Always Icecream (for girls) or Clever Dragons (for boys) it does have bible games but the other games are not faith based.

When Elijah logged in he made an Avatar. He picked a pet that he named and he can play with. There are daily challenges for him to complete. One of the ones he completed today was about internet safety that I was impressed with. Clever Dragons teaches about internet safety. Which is awesome because you can interact with friends on Clever Dragons. There is a disclaimer that says all posts have to be approved and the chats are moderated. I really liked that they email you progress reports. The games are repetitive so the kids will remember what they learned. I like the price. It's affordable and I don't mind paying it if it's something he is actually going to use. They also have learning apps on the AppStore. 

What does Clever Dragons and Always Ice Cream teach?

Basic to Advanced Math, including Geometry Geography Language Arts Science Biblical Studies (can be enabled or disabled) Arts & Music Keyboard Typing Classical content, including Greek & Latin roots, Latin, and Attic Greek Spanish, Chinese, French and German (Including click & learn pictures and type-what-you-hear audio games) NEW: Dozens of teaching videos tailor-made especially for our sites! NEW: Expanded Beginning Reading with many more games on the way!

The most important thing is if he is going to use it which time will tell but I do see us paying for a subscription. We used an iPad to play these games and it worked well but you will need to download puffin for the flash technology.

                                                       Map of Learning 

Daily Challengers, he gets Gold to spend on games when completed. Parents can also give gold for doing chores, etc.

       Safe videos for kids to watch, also educational

                       Menu for learning games

They have a lot of games on the App Store this is just a few

What else does Clever Dragons and Always Ice Cream offer?

• Internet safety — optional social networking moderated by homeschooling moms.
• Learning sites that are tailored towards the unique needs of girls (www.always-icecream.com) and boys (www.clever-dragons.com).
• Weekly reports on your child's learning progress.
• Smart Learning: Carefully spaced review sessions solidify learning in a scientifically proven approach.
• Interactive games, like a cooperative team race or a pet with its own online schoolhouse, give kids even more motivation to learn!
• Creative learning opportunities, including a weekly newspaper written by and for students, an art studio, and an online business simulation!
• Additional options for parents who purchase the Premium Parent Account: Set goals, track study time, let kids take specific assessments in more than 100 learning areas, review their errors, and document the process with customizable report cards! Optionally require children to first finish their assigned work before using any other features on the site.
• A site that is 100% free of advertising.
• Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!

Go to www.clever-dragons.com for more information. They have a 15 day free trial which is what we are currently doing.

This was not a paid review.