I was going to save this post for October which is Domestic Violence month, but it has been laying heavily on my heart. Timehop can be a blessing and a curse. On August 10 it reminded me of the worst day of my life. It was the day I was assaulted by my then Husband.
Timehop is a great app. It shows you pictures and posts you have made over the years on social networks on that date in time. It's great unless you have something's you would rather not be reminded of. I have tried so hard to forget that period in my life. Four years later and I can still feel his hands around my neck and seeing my child run into the room while his "new daddy" was on top of Mommy choking her to death. Him running into the room probably saved my life. I was able to grab my phone and run outside and call 911. He was arrested for Aggravated Assault and sent to prison.
It wasn't the first time
I am ashamed to say it wasn't the first time he put his hands on me. When we first got married he took a six inch kitchen knife and held it to my throat because I hid his alcohol. He punched me repeatedly in the head causing me to blackout in the car while my son watched. That's just the things I am okay with talking about. There are things I don't think I'll ever be okay with speaking publicly about. There were holes in the walls of my apartment where he punched them. He threw a baking sheet at me and broke a bone in my foot. Choked me and threw me against a window sill where I hit my head and had to go to the ER for a concussion. This was the first time the cops were involved. The ER said they had to call them because of the strangulation marks. I spoke to the officer and told him what happened but that I didn't want to press charges. I was so delusional.
I was going to lose my son
My Aunt came and got my son from the hospital and she was expecting me to come to her house. When I went back to him she kept my son and would not let him come home. He had already seen so much violence. My husband was drinking as soon as he woke up. He tried to get sober when my aunt took Elijah, that didn't last long. He started to get violent again and I locked him out of the apartment. He broke the living room window to get in. I called the police. They couldn't do anything because it was his apartment and his name was on the lease. They wouldn't make him leave so I had to go stay with my Aunt. He started texting me and told me he was going to change and so of course I went back.
The night it all changed
My husband had been drinking all day long. He and Elijah had made plans to do a camp out sleep over in his bed room. Just the two of them. Well he had been hallucinating earlier and had started getting rough with my son so I said it's not a good idea lets just do this another night. You talk about someone flipping out. This man lost it. All because I didn't want him around my child at that point. Elijah was in his room at the time. My husband charges me full force and tackled me to the floor and with everything he had was strangling me. I was starting to black out and I see this little 6 year old running into the room. It was all just slow motion. He let go and I grabbed my phone and ran outside to call 911 with him on my heels. He told me if he went to jail that as soon as he got out he would kill me. The cops got there quick. They pretty much knew us by now. I pressed charges. Even in the dark the officers could see the strangulation marks on my neck.
Court
Court is terrifying for someone who has been through domestic violence. I first had to go to the Family Justice Center and have all my bruises, scrapes, and strangulation marks photographed as evidence. I had to give my statement and work with the victim witness coordinator. They assessed how much danger I was in and it was very high. I was very lucky to still be alive. I felt very alone. I was glad to have my Mom with me during court. When I spoke to the judge my lawyer and the Defense Attorney were holding me up. I was shaking so bad because he was in the room with us. I was promised that he would get his sentence. I got a 5 year order of protection, which is just a piece of paper. It does not really protect me. He got 3 to 5, but because of jail overcrowding he got out on supervised probation. I feel like he got a slap on the wrist and I got PTSD for the rest of my life. I can't handle any loud noises that startle me when I'm in my house. If someone knocks on my door I go into panic mode. I still have nightmares. It has severely affected the way I see men. I have not tried to date. This man graduated Seminary, he was well read in the bible. I thought God sent him just for me and Elijah. Elijah called him Dad. It was a horrible experience and really messed up Elijah's view of men when he already didn't have that great of an opinion on them.
Please, don't be a fool like I was
Get help. The first time a man hits you should be his last. I heard all the excuses. I'm sorry, I'll never do it again. I need you to help me be stronger. I had family and friends who tried to help and I pushed them away. He made sure to alienate me from my church family too. I am very lucky to have an amazing church family. They are the reason I got through this. I had two choices I could give up and die which I did contemplate suicide or I could fix my eyes on God and hand it all over to him and rely on him to carry me through. He did. Elijah and I both had a lot of sleepless nights and nightmares but 4 years later all that remains is my PTSD and I am finally going to get help for it. I've been super anxious this week. I think it's these reminders from my past. God has been faithful. He has kept us safe. Please if you need help please confide in someone before it is too late and press charges the first time. Don't wait until he puts you in the hospital the third or fourth time like I did. You can't change him, he isn't going to stop. The only thing that's going to happen is you're going to end up dead or your kids are going to end up the target.
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