Parenting a special child

I love my son. He is my reason for breathing. That does not mean that everything is puppy dogs and rainbows. Drama has Aspergers and Life Threatening Food Allergies. Being a single parent is HARD. Being a single parent of a special needs child is even harder. 

Before I get started I want to acknowledge that I am fully aware that there are kids worse off than Drama. I know it could be a worse situation. That doesn't make what we go through on a daily basis any easier.

Something happened when this child hit 10. He got a lot more harder to control. He started being a lot more moody. I blame this on the start of puberty. It seems to have made his Asperger symptoms magnified. It's also made him ashamed of his food allergies.

He knows he is different. He sees when kids don't want to play with him. When they make rude comments about him being weird, he hears that and it hurts him like it would anyone. He has said he doesn't know why God "did this to him". He has been depressed. His therapist told me that kids like him are at risk for suicide. I don't have to only worry that food is going to kill my child, now I have to worry about him harming himself.

All he talks about are video games. This is pretty normal for a child with Aspergers who has this niche. I think it is extremely annoying. I try so very hard to listen as much as my ear drums can handle and then I simply tell him that he has reached his limit on video game talk for the day. Sometimes I'm not so nice about it if he continues. 

I try to explain to him that not everyone wants to hear about video games, but he continues to talk to anyone who will listen and mostly at the most inopportune times. For instance to a waitress who is taking our order, during Sunday school, random passers by. I'm serious. It's a major problem. Sometimes I take him to gamestop just so he has someone to talk to.

 He labeled this pic as "Deal with it"

Lately he has been so ashamed of his food allergies. Take for instance last nights Trunk or Treat at church. He said it was embarrassing that he couldn't eat the food they had. He didn't even want to go because half the candy he is allergic to. I told him he didn't have to say anything and we would seperate it out when we got home. He refuses to wear any kind of food allergy awareness apparel. My involvement in the food allergy community has dwindled because it embarrasses him so much. He hates being different. This is very scary to me. I worry that when he is older he may not tell someone he has allergies and he could die if he eats anything with nuts in it. A lot of food allergy deaths happened with teenagers. That's when over protective moms aren't hovering to make sure their kids food is safe. Teens may be more unlikely to ask if something is safe for them to eat or check ingredients because they don't want to be made fun of. They want to belong.

          Trunk or treat at church

Drama is getting to where he is a lot stronger than me. If he has a bad meltdown it is almost impossible to put him in a therapeutic hold. He could definitely hurt me if he tried. 

I would do anything to take this all away from him. He feels so defeated having food allergies and autism. He wants to be normal. He longs to have a Dad. Having a Dad who was in the picture would definitely make our lives easier. I think 50% of the stress would be gone. It's hard being the only one who makes the decisions about your child's health. If something happened to me, I'm not confident anyone could do what I am currently doing for him.

What people don't see is the schooling he does. He does his school online because it's so much easier than putting him in a school where he is at risk of an allergic reaction and having to deal with bullies. He thrives better being homeschooled. People say, what about socialization? I invite those people to observe him around other children at church. Kids know when someone is different. Not that many kids choose to play with him. When he was in public school his teachers said he stayed with the teachers talking their ears off or he played by himself. I've overheard kids saying "we don't want to play with him". It's hard for a mom to hear. There are a couple of sweet kids who do play with him and when that happens my hearts bursts with happiness.

I'm hoping with more therapy he will do better socially. 

He has great strengths. I believe he will do something great in the field of technology. It's going to take a lot of sacrifice but one day everyone will want to know him. He is the smartest person I know. He knows more about computers and gaming consoles than I could ever know. He mourned the loss of Nintendo's President. There were tears. He is fully invested in becoming the first American President of Nintendo. I would love to take him to a gaming convention. I feel like he would meet so many people he could relate to and feel like he belonged. He has begged me to take him to MineCon but it was in the UK this year and flying is definitely not happening any time soon. Hopefully next year it will be in Florida. 

     Future President of Nintendo

Drama is unique. I would not trade him for anything in the world. This is my purpose in life. To raise this brilliant child and to help him achieve greatness. It's been a long hard road and I am sure we have a lot more to overcome but by the Grace of God we will make it. We are all given our paths for a reason. I'm glad God chose this as my path.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

It's October! October is my favorite month out of the whole year. I LOVE Fall. Everything about fall. The cool weather. Bonfires. Pumpkin spice everything. Scarves. Halloween. October is also Domestic Violence Awareness and Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness month. I've already shared my Domestic Violence story so I am going to share my pregnancy loss story. It's one not too many people know about.

So there's this guy. There's always a guy, right? We were neighbors in Kodak. We lived in a very country community. He lived down te road from me and we were best friends as long as I can remember. We were inseparable. We went to school together up until he moved away in 2nd or 3rd grade. 

I was in Highschool when AOL and the internet became big. Somehow we found each other and began chatting online. It was like we were never seperated. It was amazing that even though we were apart for so long we became close again in no time. It was almost like fate. We dated for two years and he told me he wanted to marry me and he would never leave me. We had a very serious relationship.

I started feeling sick and went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant. The whole world came crushing down on me. I couldn't believe it. When I told him he begged me to have an abortion. He said it was the only way that we could stay together, that if I kept the baby he would break up with me. 

There's no way I was going to have an abortion even though several people tried to talk me into one. So he broke up with me. He left me. This guy who a week before was telling me he wanted to marry me and he would never leave me. This guy who I had known since we were in diapers. I was in shock and despair. I went through my pregnancy alone. My family was ashamed of me. My boyfriend left me. 

I went to my 12 week checkup and the nurses told me I had made it past 3 months so I was past the safe mark. The gave me a diaper bag and samples. I remember I had picked out these little white shoes. I sang every night to my baby. I talked to her. I already had her name picked out. Arianna. I felt so alone in the world but I knew when she got there we would be okay. 

I went to Kentucky with my cousin and that's when I knew something was wrong. I was hurting too bad. We got back home and I called the doctor. They told me to come in. That's when they did the ultrasound and said there wasn't a heartbeat. My ex came to the hospital.  Not sure who called him but he held my hand. That's the last time I saw him.

 I can't explain what I felt in that moment. That kind of loss just takes the life out of you. I had to have surgery. Afterwards I entered a very deep depression. Nothing no one said or did made me feel an ounce better. I just wanted to sleep. It took a very long time to start breathing again. 

I can say that time does not heal these kind of wounds. I think about Arianna a lot. I Imagine her playing in heaven with my Grand Daddy. I've dreamed about her. I know she would have been an awesome big sister to Elijah. I hope she watches over him. 

Because the hurt is so deep, I can not imagine experiencing multiple pregnancy losses or the loss of a child. I pray God eases all the pain and comforts us. 

I know that was a very big part of my life and it steered me to go through some things that have made me a stronger person today. I am closer to God for it. “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”

Matthew 5:4 KJV

Bear cove village and Wild Bear Falls Review, Mini Vacay

I took a little break from blogging and didn't get to blog about our mini vacay in August. My Dad wanted Elijah to have a vacation so he funded our trip. My Sister, Elijah, and I stayed at Bear Cove Rv. I chose Bear Cove because we needed somewhere affordable to stay where we could cook our own meals. Bear Cove has little cabins you can rent. Now when I say little I mean tiny it was one bedroom and the bed room was smaller than some peoples closets. The largest room when you first walked in was the kitchen and had a bunk bed with a twin sized bed on top and full on the bottom. The kitchen was fully stocked. It had a two eye burner, microwave, small refrigerator. The bathroom had a stand up shower and toilet. Plenty of hot water. Outside we had a fire put with a grill top. Everything in Bear Cove Village was so nicely decorated and well kept. The only issue we had was the freezer in the mini fridge was frozen up and the fridge wasn't very cold. The cabins are very close together. There is a walking trail, doggie park, fishing pond, two pools, and laundry mat. 

      Our home away from home for the weekend

                  The inside of our cute little cabin

The first night we drove up to Gatlinburg. Elijah picked out TGI Fridays to eat at. It wasn't very crowded and our service was excellent. They are excellent with food allergies. Afterwards my Sister let Elijah pick one thing to do. He decided to play putt putt. We went to the indoor blacklight putt putt. Elijah had 3D glasses that he did not keep on. I tried them but they were over stimulating. This was Elijah's first time playing putt putt and he loved it. We did not keep score but it was fun anyways, Elijah probably won. He was doing a lot better than I did. Afterwards we walked around Gatlinburg and headed back to the cabin. 

The next morning we decided to go to Wild Bear Falls in Gatlinburg. We took a ride on the trolley first to an arcade so Elijah can play some games. I'm very glad we went to Wild Bear Falls instead of Spash Country. It wasn't crowded and wasn't over stimulating for Elijah and the best thing is that it is all indoor and it's a small space so keeping up with Elijah wasn't a nightmare. 

The slides ares AWESOME. One is a body slide and the other you use a tube. I got my excersize for the week walking up and down the stairs.

Wild Bear Falls is an indoor waterpark. It has a lazy river, pools, hot tubs, play area for the kids, and two awesome slides. It's not huge but it was perfect for us and we really enjoyed ourselves. I wish I had snuck food in because the food was not good. You can leave and eat and come back with the armband. They also have picnic tables outside so you could pack a cooler in your car and go out to eat and come back. We will probably do that next time.

When we left Wild Bear Falls we went back to the cabin and made Pizza and S'mores. We lit a fire outside so Elijah could have a little camping experience. I really wanted to go to the mountains on our last day but it was raining. We had so much fun on our mini vacay and I am so grateful to my dad and my sister. I really hope we get to do it again. I would definitely stay at Bear Cove Village again. All we needed was a place to sleep since we weren't going to be there a lot and having a kitchen was a plus.

If you're going to grill or make a fire you will need to buy wood, we foraged for this since we just wanted a small fire for s'mores.

I was not compensated for this review.

BONUS LAUGH

This is me flipping after coming out of the tube slide, this happened EVERYTIME. It was comical for everyone who saw. 

For more information on Wild Bear Falls or Bear Cove Village:

https://www.westgatedestinations.com/tennessee/gatlinburg/westgate-smoky-mountain-resort/wild-bear-falls-water-park/park-info

http://bearcovevillage.com

“Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee.”

Psalms 116:7 KJV

Homeschool Review- Clever Dragons

I signed up for a free 15 day trial of Clever Dragons today. Looking for some enrichment games for Elijah and didn't want to have to worry about what was being taught or if it was in line with our curriculum or faith values. It is very appealing aesthetically. It is Gender based. You choose either Always Icecream (for girls) or Clever Dragons (for boys) it does have bible games but the other games are not faith based.

When Elijah logged in he made an Avatar. He picked a pet that he named and he can play with. There are daily challenges for him to complete. One of the ones he completed today was about internet safety that I was impressed with. Clever Dragons teaches about internet safety. Which is awesome because you can interact with friends on Clever Dragons. There is a disclaimer that says all posts have to be approved and the chats are moderated. I really liked that they email you progress reports. The games are repetitive so the kids will remember what they learned. I like the price. It's affordable and I don't mind paying it if it's something he is actually going to use. They also have learning apps on the AppStore. 

What does Clever Dragons and Always Ice Cream teach?

Basic to Advanced Math, including Geometry Geography Language Arts Science Biblical Studies (can be enabled or disabled) Arts & Music Keyboard Typing Classical content, including Greek & Latin roots, Latin, and Attic Greek Spanish, Chinese, French and German (Including click & learn pictures and type-what-you-hear audio games) NEW: Dozens of teaching videos tailor-made especially for our sites! NEW: Expanded Beginning Reading with many more games on the way!

The most important thing is if he is going to use it which time will tell but I do see us paying for a subscription. We used an iPad to play these games and it worked well but you will need to download puffin for the flash technology.

                                                       Map of Learning 

Daily Challengers, he gets Gold to spend on games when completed. Parents can also give gold for doing chores, etc.

       Safe videos for kids to watch, also educational

                       Menu for learning games

They have a lot of games on the App Store this is just a few

What else does Clever Dragons and Always Ice Cream offer?

• Internet safety — optional social networking moderated by homeschooling moms.
• Learning sites that are tailored towards the unique needs of girls (www.always-icecream.com) and boys (www.clever-dragons.com).
• Weekly reports on your child's learning progress.
• Smart Learning: Carefully spaced review sessions solidify learning in a scientifically proven approach.
• Interactive games, like a cooperative team race or a pet with its own online schoolhouse, give kids even more motivation to learn!
• Creative learning opportunities, including a weekly newspaper written by and for students, an art studio, and an online business simulation!
• Additional options for parents who purchase the Premium Parent Account: Set goals, track study time, let kids take specific assessments in more than 100 learning areas, review their errors, and document the process with customizable report cards! Optionally require children to first finish their assigned work before using any other features on the site.
• A site that is 100% free of advertising.
• Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!

Go to www.clever-dragons.com for more information. They have a 15 day free trial which is what we are currently doing.

This was not a paid review.

Women's Retreat 2015

September 11-13 I was away at a Women's Retreat with our Women's Ministry at church. I was super excited about this retreat because it was my Moms first Women's Retreat. My Mom has been attending church very faithfully this past year. It's huge for me because we haven't went to church together since I was little. We haven't studied the bible together before and we did that at the women's retreat. My Mom and I rode up to Pigeon Forge with my Aunt Angela. We finally found our cabin which was the Big Elk Lodge. This cabin was huge! It slept 74 people, had a huge kitchen, movie theater, two hot tubs, game room and three floors of rooms. Very impressive and we were blessed to be upgraded to this cabin for free from a smaller cabin. The owners are amazing. We started our lessons the first night. 

                                                           Big Elk Lodge

We had a wonderful speaker Jennifer Mathewson Speer, she was flown in from Florida. I will put her links below. Our study for the weekend was Women of Grace. They were women in Jesus's lineage. Women who were not perfect and some were a mess and God chose them to use for his glory. The theme of the weekend was that Gods Grace is big enough to cover our mess. I loved her message and I can't wait to order her book when it comes out at the end of October. 

         Our awesome Women's Ministry Directors with Jennifer Matthewson Speer

I stayed in a room with My Mom, Aunt, and my aunts friend Diane. There were three twin sized bunk beds in the room and it had it's own bathroom. I was on the top bunk for the first night. I was excited because I haven't slept on top bunk in a long time. That excitement dampened when I learned I am not young anymore and clumping a clunky wooden ladder is hard when you're out of shape and overweight. I use a c-pap machine for sleep apnea. That was a little bit of an annoyance to my room mates who said it sounded like a small vacuum, but let me just say their snoring was worse, lol. Saturday morning we woke up to a delicious breakfast of the most scrumptious breakfast casseroles. I really need to get the recipe. My favorite was the spinach and mushroom. After a quick break after breakfast we started our next study. We studied 4 women over the weekend. Sarah (Sarai), Tamar, Ruth, and Rahab.

Sarah: Sarah's story can be found in Genesis 12-23 we learned that God is waiting for us to take our hands off of it because he wants all the Glory. We pick up burdens that are not ours to carry. We can't save ourselves, it's God by Grace. God says my Grace is BIGGER than your choices. Anytime we try to do what only God can do chaos happens.  

Tamar: Tamar's story can be found in Genesis 38 and Matthew 1 I learned that God can cover any life with Grace. Don't keep dwelling on past hurt, don't replay it over and over, of Hods Grace can cover this mess he can cover everything, Frisk every thought at the door of your mind, Renew your mind by the word of God. 

Release blessings: be kind to one another, show Grace that we have been shown by Christ.

Thoughts about forgiveness: Forgiveness is not the denial of the pain, it does not negate, forgiveness redeems. Forgiveness does not mean restored trust or relationships. It does not undo consequences. Forgiveness is not a one time thing. 

Rahab: Rahab's story can be found in Joshua 2 I learned through Rahabs story that Faith is acting on revealed truth. God expects us all to be women of Faith. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. Until you take that first step of faith God will not give you the next one. 

I lost my notes on Ruth so I will have to borrow someone else's and edit this. 

We had some wonderful singing led by our awesome choir director April. When our sessions were over we had free time. It was my Moms birthday so we went out to Olive Garden to celebrate with my aunts and some of our church family. So delicious! I really enjoyed the women's retreat. It always goes by so fast because we do a lot and have a lot of fun. Jennifer was so refreshing and I really enjoyed her study and am looking forward to her book. As soon as I get it I will post a review and links. 

More pictures from the weekend 

This is where My Aunts, Mom and I sat during the Sessions. Comfy couches were first come first serve.

                              My Mom and I

Late night laughs with your church family is the best, what happens on the retreat stays on the retreat.

These views made me so homesick for the Mountains, I grew up in Kodak and woke up to this every morning.

For information on Jennifer Matthewson Speer http://www.wordofjoy.org 

Review of Alpha Omega Publications Monarch

When I pulled Elijah out of Public School ,for the SECOND time, we used Switched on Schoolhouse. I loved everything about SOS once I got used to it. It was SO much better than K12, which I tried before and failed miserably at thus causing me to have a mental breakdown and re enroll Elijah into PS. The only drawbacks to SOS is that you can only load it onto one computer, so unless you load it onto a laptop you are chained to your PC for school. There is also the price. To a single Mom $399 is a lot to come up with at one time. So last year I decided to check out Monarch. The reviews said is was basically SOS, only online. This was very appealing to me because my son sometimes stays with his Nanny and he would need to be able to do school over there. The closer for me was the individual monthly payment plan. For $40 a month my son has access to all of Monarchs curriculum. 

If you are coming from SOS to Monarch, it's gonna take a while to get used to. The menus and features are different. The lessons seem to be the same design. Something I hope they add is the attendance tracker. I really liked that feature in SOS. It does not currently exist in Monarch. 

    

                                       His Start Page

                                   My Start Page

I love the report card, daily work report, and transcripts features. The Bible curriculum blows me away. I learn just as much as he does from it. You can print the test questions and use them as a study guide. They have fun games at the start of each lesson that my son enjoys to play and they keep his attention and actually learns from them. I also really love that in every subject God is woven in. I know that his mind is safe with Monarch. 

                        A look at his assignments

Elijah has Aspergers and his niche is electronics, especially video games and computers. He excels with Monarch. Much more than he did in a classroom setting. He can work at his own pace and that pace right now is ahead of his classmates back in public school. 

We love homeschool. I am not much of a hands on homeschool Mom. that's why I love Monarch. He works on his own and if he has trouble with something he can ask me, but the instructions are so clear it is rare that he asks me for help. If he is having trouble with something, I can have him redo the lesson. There are Projects and Experiments. I pick and choose what we do of those. I really like the customer service, even though they are only available during certain times. My son likes this curriculum and that's the most important thing. 

Cliques and my new realization

When you hear the word cliques, what do you think of? Immediately the movie Mean Girls come to my mind. So many women and girls (they start young) have been affected by cliques. 

What is a clique? Wikipedia defines cliques: a clique (CanE,UK /ˈkliːk/ or US /ˈklɪk/) is a group of people who interact with each other more regularly and intensely than others in the same setting.^[1] Interacting with cliques is part of normative social development regardless of gender, ethnicity, or popularity. Although cliques are most commonly studied duringadolescence and middle childhood, they exist in all age groups.

That's it. It doesn't say anything about mean girls, fighting, etc. I know that my experience with cliques is negative, but I am socially awkward. I don't do well in social situations. Not ALL cliques are bad and They aren't ALL good either. I think it's probably half and half. 

I was thinking a lot today and my thought was, Would I feel this way if I was IN the clique. No, I probably wouldn't. I would be happy because I was in a group of people who have known each other for a long time. 

Am I in a clique? I have a small group of homeschool Moms that I love to hang out with. We are comfortable with each other. We have our own love language, we joke around, we have a lot of fun. We tend to group together when we are out somewhere with other homeschool Moms. We try very hard to include everyone. 

I don't take social cues sometimes so if I have every excluded you I'm sorry. 

I don't think it is wrong to enjoy the company of your friends. I love that people have close relationships and do things together. 

I have let my feelings get hurt when I see a group of friends post pictures of them having an awesome time and that my friends is a normal feeling but it can also be sinful if you obsess over it.

Envy: a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success,possessions, etc.

Envy is a Cardinal Sin (7 Deadly Sins)

I wish the World was this fuzzy warm place where everyone loved each other and it was possible to include each other, but it's not. It's not feasible. I don't think every clique is bad. I don't think they all mean to leave people out or are trying to make people jealous.