Cliques and my new realization

When you hear the word cliques, what do you think of? Immediately the movie Mean Girls come to my mind. So many women and girls (they start young) have been affected by cliques. 

What is a clique? Wikipedia defines cliques: a clique (CanE,UK /ˈkliːk/ or US /ˈklɪk/) is a group of people who interact with each other more regularly and intensely than others in the same setting.^[1] Interacting with cliques is part of normative social development regardless of gender, ethnicity, or popularity. Although cliques are most commonly studied duringadolescence and middle childhood, they exist in all age groups.

That's it. It doesn't say anything about mean girls, fighting, etc. I know that my experience with cliques is negative, but I am socially awkward. I don't do well in social situations. Not ALL cliques are bad and They aren't ALL good either. I think it's probably half and half. 

I was thinking a lot today and my thought was, Would I feel this way if I was IN the clique. No, I probably wouldn't. I would be happy because I was in a group of people who have known each other for a long time. 

Am I in a clique? I have a small group of homeschool Moms that I love to hang out with. We are comfortable with each other. We have our own love language, we joke around, we have a lot of fun. We tend to group together when we are out somewhere with other homeschool Moms. We try very hard to include everyone. 

I don't take social cues sometimes so if I have every excluded you I'm sorry. 

I don't think it is wrong to enjoy the company of your friends. I love that people have close relationships and do things together. 

I have let my feelings get hurt when I see a group of friends post pictures of them having an awesome time and that my friends is a normal feeling but it can also be sinful if you obsess over it.

Envy: a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success,possessions, etc.

Envy is a Cardinal Sin (7 Deadly Sins)

I wish the World was this fuzzy warm place where everyone loved each other and it was possible to include each other, but it's not. It's not feasible. I don't think every clique is bad. I don't think they all mean to leave people out or are trying to make people jealous.

My Domestic Abuse Testimony

I was going to save this post for October which is Domestic Violence month, but it has been laying heavily on my heart. Timehop can be a blessing and a curse. On August 10 it reminded me of the worst day of my life. It was the day I was assaulted by my then Husband. 

Timehop is a great app. It shows you pictures and posts you have made over the years on social networks on that date in time. It's great unless you have something's you would rather not be reminded of. I have tried so hard to forget that period in my life. Four years later and I can still feel his hands around my neck and seeing my child run into the room while his "new daddy" was on top of Mommy choking her to death. Him running into the room probably saved my life. I was able to grab my phone and run outside and call 911. He was arrested for Aggravated Assault and sent to prison.  

It wasn't the first time

I am ashamed to say it wasn't the first time he put his hands on me. When we first got married he took a six inch kitchen knife and held it to my throat because I hid his alcohol. He punched me repeatedly in the head causing me to blackout in the car while my son watched. That's just the things I am okay with talking about. There are things I don't think I'll ever be okay with speaking publicly about. There were holes in the walls of my apartment where he punched them. He threw a baking sheet at me and broke a bone in my foot. Choked me and threw me against a window sill where I hit my head and had to go to the ER for a concussion. This was the first time the cops were involved. The ER said they had to call them because of the strangulation marks. I spoke to the officer and told him what happened but that I didn't want to press charges. I was so delusional. 

I was going to lose my son

My Aunt came and got my son from the hospital and she was expecting me to come to her house. When I went back to him she kept my son and would not let him come home. He had already seen so much violence. My husband was drinking as soon as he woke up. He tried to get sober when my aunt took Elijah, that didn't last long. He started to get violent again and I locked him out of the apartment. He broke the living room window to get in. I called the police. They couldn't do anything because it was his apartment and his name was on the lease. They wouldn't make him leave so I had to go stay with my Aunt. He started texting me and told me he was going to change and so of course I went back. 

The night it all changed

My husband had been drinking all day long. He and Elijah had made plans to do a camp out sleep over in his bed room. Just the two of them. Well he had been hallucinating earlier and had started getting rough with my son so I said it's not a good idea lets just do this another night. You talk about someone flipping out. This man lost it. All because I didn't want him around my child at that point. Elijah was in his room at the time. My husband charges me full force and tackled me to the floor and with everything he had was strangling me. I was starting to black out and I see this little 6 year old running into the room. It was all just slow motion. He let go and I grabbed my phone and ran outside to call 911 with him on my heels. He told me if he went to jail that as soon as he got out he would kill me. The cops got there quick. They pretty much knew us by now. I pressed charges. Even in the dark the officers could see the strangulation marks on my neck.

Court 

Court is terrifying for someone who has been through domestic violence. I first had to go to the Family Justice Center and have all my bruises, scrapes, and strangulation marks photographed as evidence. I had to give my statement and work with the victim witness coordinator. They assessed how much danger I was in and it was very high. I was very lucky to still be alive. I felt very alone. I was glad to have my Mom with me during court. When I spoke to the judge my lawyer and the Defense Attorney were holding me up. I was shaking so bad because he was in the room with us. I was promised that he would get his sentence. I got a 5 year order of protection, which is just a piece of paper. It does not really protect me. He got 3 to 5, but because of jail overcrowding he got out on supervised probation. I feel like he got a slap on the wrist and I got PTSD for the rest of my life. I can't handle any loud noises that startle me when I'm in my house. If someone knocks on my door I go into panic mode. I still have nightmares. It has severely affected the way I see men. I have not tried to date. This man graduated Seminary, he was well read in the bible. I thought God sent him just for me and Elijah. Elijah called him Dad. It was a horrible experience and really messed up Elijah's view of men when he already didn't have that great of an opinion on them. 

Please, don't be a fool like I was

Get help. The first time a man hits you should be his last. I heard all the excuses. I'm sorry, I'll never do it again. I need you to help me be stronger. I had family and friends who tried to help and I pushed them away. He made sure to alienate me from my church family too. I am very lucky to have an amazing church family. They are the reason I got through this. I had two choices I could give up and die which I did contemplate suicide or I could fix my eyes on God and hand it all over to him and rely on him to carry me through. He did. Elijah and I both had a lot of sleepless nights and nightmares but 4 years later all that remains is my PTSD and I am finally going to get help for it. I've been super anxious this week. I think it's these reminders from my past. God has been faithful. He has kept us safe. Please if you need help please confide in someone before it is too late and press charges the first time. Don't wait until he puts you in the hospital the third or fourth time like I did. You can't change him, he isn't going to stop. The only thing that's going to happen is you're going to end up dead or your kids are going to end up the target.

Rejoice Dance Ministries...my heart for 9 years

We had an amazing service this morning. The Holy Spirit showed up and was bursting inside of me. I felt like I was going to explode. Our Dance Ministry, REJOICE, did a wonderful dance to Break Every Chain as our Youth Minister/Pianist/American Idol (seriously the man can sing) sang the song. It was nothing short of a blessing and if you weren't blessed by it then you were just dead inside today. I will post a link to the video I took of the performance below.

                         An old picture of Rejoice, we have been through SO much.

I remember the first time I saw Rejoice perform at church. I had never experienced worship like that before. Elijah was a baby and it was all I could do to keep from jumping out of my seat with him. They were doing Nicole C Mullen's When I call on Jesus. Now, I am a mover. If you goto church with me then you know I can't sit still. I am always moving especially when I am singing. I have always been a dancer. Maybe not professionally but in my heart I am a dancer.

                                              Ministering at Western Heights Projects

I had asked Kristy, who was the leader at that time if I could join. She told me that everyone who joins Rejoice must feel that they are led by God to join the dance ministry. I would start out by coming to practices and showing my faithfulness to the ministry. A really HUGE thing in Rejoice is that we are to not be seen but we want others to see Christ through us. The spotlight isn't on us it's on the message God is wanting is to give his people.

                                Rejoice at the Tennessee Valley Fair last year

There is nothing like dancing for God. It wouldn't matter if I was alone, dancing just for God would be enough for me. When I am in front of everyone that's what I picture anyways. I am in the presence of God. I am also praying continuously that God uses us as his vessels. Use our hands and feet Lord to do your work. I get so excited to see a Rejoice performance, especially when I am not the one performing because I get to be ministered to. It's always a treat. I hope you enjoy the video! 

Rejoice Dance Ministries Performing Break Every Chain

https://youtu.be/GKyQPDgugPs 

The Perseids Meteor Shower...a magical night

I love SPACE. I teach Astronomy at our homeschool co op because I love everything about outer space. I have always been a star gazer. I remember being little and watching meteor showers with my cousin Scott at our family campground. This past February we went to the US Space and Rocket Museum in Huntsville Alabama. It was Ah Mazing! You may as well have sent me to Disney Land. If you have a chance to go, it is a MUST! Make sure you take a couple of days. We went on a guided tour and we were there from open to close and still didn't see everything.

Back to the Perseids

Elijah and I have tried to catch the Perseids every year. It is either cloudy or rainy so when I found out that this year it was going to be perfect weather conditions I told my friend Alecia that WE HAD to camp out. Well that was the original plan. Because her husband ended up having to work we just decided to slumber it and get the kids up at 4 in the morning and go outside. My friend lives in no mans land. They can't get internet out there. It is very peaceful and dark. PERFECT for star gazing.

The night before, we went outside and saw a couple. We knew the peak was going to be at 4 in the morning so we went to bed and I was so excited I woke up before the alarm went off. I got Elijah up pretty easily. Alecia got her 8 year old up and we all went outside to her back porch and sat down for the meteor shower. Now I think our boys did good for two kids on the spectrum who had little sleep. They were cold but they stayed outside long enough to see quite a few meteors. I wish I had planned better and had put out some blankets or something, I think they would have laid there longer. It was so cool. I hadn't seen a light show like that in a long time and I was in awe. The kids got tired of it pretty quickly and got cold so we went back inside, but I hope that they will remember this and maybe we will have excellent viewing weather next year. If you missed the peak don't worry. The Perseids continue until the 23rd of August and I will post the schedule below for the upcoming meteor showers as well as more information on Perseus the Constellation for who the meteor shower is named.

http://www.constellation-guide.com/constellation-list/perseus-constellation/

Making Chicken and Dumplings with Mom

BIt's the weekend! What better way to celebrate than waking up early and making chicken and dumplings from scratch. I can remember going over to my Mamaws house after church and eating a huge Sunday dinner and always having chicken and dumplings. She passed away when I was ten years old but I never forgot her good her house smelled and how delicious her dumplings were.

                  My Mamaw Lovetta Jones

I've always wanted to learn how to make them. Cooking is something Elijah and I love to do. We love to go to my Mom's and cook because she has a big kitchen and it's fun to make memories. We used a whole chicken. I had never bought a whole chicken before, much less cooked one so that was an interesting experience. Elijah helped make the dumplings and the cake. The best part of course was eating! Takes you back in time. The smells in the kitchen and the food. 

Elijah's cake is super simple to make. It is one box of Duncan Hines moist deluxe super dark chocolate and one can of 100% pumpkin purée. That's it! Milk, Egg, Peanut, And Tree Nut Free. We iced it with Pillsbury chocolate fudge icing and crushed Oreos. It stays together, it's moist, and you can not taste the pumpkin. I'm sure it's healthier too. 

I am sure Elijah will remember all the times we cooked in Grandmas kitchen just like I remember all the Sunday dinners in my Mamaws kitchen. I love making memories :-)

We survived! The first week of Homeschool and Co-op

This week we started back to school! We are homeschool. It isn't as big a deal to us as public school but we still try to make it fun. It was also our first two days of our homeschool co-op. I am a co-leader of Adventure Homeschoolers of East TN. We are a very laid back co-op that my friend started when she couldn't find a homeschool group that she "fit" into. We meet on the first Tuesday and Wednesday of the month for enrichment classes at Imagination Forest, a local toy store. 

 We have grown since that picture was taken this past May. We have had steady growth since we started offering classes at imagination forest. Our homeschool group started out in Alecia's dining room. We would have science class every Monday. 

and we grew until that turned into THIS

I teach Astronomy and Health & Safety. I love Astronomy. I love everything about space, the stars, the planets, it's all very fascinating to me. If you haven't heard of Louie Giglio you should look him up he is awesome. I want to share my excitement about the universe with the kids and get them excited and hopefully one of them will grow up and become an astronaut and convince NASA to let me go up. Even though I suffer from dyscalculia and can't do math to save my life, lol. I'm sure I can be of some use up there? 

Check out our co-op here-> https://www.facebook.com/groups/341058799308240/ 

Back to our first week of school. This week was mostly placement tests which was more of a headache than it should have been. We had never taken placement tests before and I was using a new program. I didn't realize I was using it incorrectly and what I thought was a five hour placement test ended up being a whole months worth of math assignments and not even the placement test. My son and I were in tears.  Thankfully my friend ,who is my "village"(bless her heart), gave him the test tonight in thirty minutes. Crisis averted. 

  I homeschool out of necessity. My son has life threatening food allergies and Asperger's. He had so many issues with his elementary school and it was apparent to me that the best way for me to keep him safe would be to homeschool him. It wasn't just me being over protective it was severe violations of his IEP AND Section 504. There were also problems with bullying. So when he had to switch schools due to us moving I just saw it as a sign and decided to just homeschool him. Two years later and he is doing great. He has friends, he is socialized, and he is safe.

I wouldn't trade it for anything. Especially with everything that is going on in the world. I know he is learning the bible. He is learning what I want him to learn, not the government, and he is not stuck in a desk all day he is out in the world learning hands on. 

The Fatherless

Elijah's father and I had a rocky marriage. There was a lot of fighting, verbal abuse, addiction and infidelity on his part, and we seperated when Elijah was three.  I was awarded full custody and his father was awarded supervised visitation. He never saw him after that. Never called the visitation Center to set up an appointment. No calls, cards, letters, presents, were sent on birthdays. He disappeared. I had to listen to my child cry for his father for months. Seven years later he can't remember what his father looked like or anything about him. What he is left with is a hole. An emptiness where his biological Father should have been. Kids ask Elijah where his dad is or why he doesn't have one. He just shrugs. 

                              David helping Elijah at the U.S. Space and Rocket Museum. 

Fathers are so important to a child's wellness. The statistics are staggering. I am doing everything that I can to be a Mom and Dad to Elijah. I know I fail him. He does mention that he wants a dad and I see the way he looks at the interaction between his friends and their dads. I am lucky that my best friend has a really awesome husband, David, who is so kind and patient with Elijah. He will listen to him ramble about games and play with him when he can. This is worth more than gold to a single mom. We don't ask for much. We don't need hand outs, but what we really need more than anything is for good strong male role models for our kids. I know God will bless you for it. Thank you to all the men in my life who take a little extra time with my child. It means so much to us both!

U.S. Fatherless Statistics

Fatherless Stats

1. 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]

2. 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]

3. 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]

4. 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]

5. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]

6. 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]

7. 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]

8. 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]

9. 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God’s Children]

10. 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]

11. 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]

12. Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]

Battling a mental illness

Having a mental illness has been one of the toughest things I've had to face. I've been through a lot, but the battle inside my mind on a daily basis is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. It's a myth that Christians are all happy go lucky. Weare saved by the grace of God so we are supposed to be these perky robots with painted on smiles and nothing gets us down, but that's not the truth. You can be close to God and do everything right and still be depressed. No one is immune from depression. These  biblical characters fit all the clinical symptoms: Hagar, Moses, Naomi, Hannah, Saul, David, Solomon, Elijah, Nehemiah, Job, Jeremiah, John the Baptist, Judas Iscariot and Paul. 

I first started battling depression when I was twelve. I started having panic attacks when I was 18. Ever since then it's been a cycle of depression, anxiety, self loathing, and even suicidal thoughts. Yes, Christians contemplate suicide. You just want to stop feeling this way. I know many Christians who battle depression and some often feel ostracised by others because of their diagnosis. That's why it's important to let people know how you are feeling and make sure you are seeing a good Doctor. Having a good church family and making regular church attendance a priority can also affect your mood. When you are going through a valley fix your eyes on God and know that he will never leave you or forsake you.

Four years ago I was at my lowest point. I was in an abusive relationship. My husband gave me several concussions, sent me to the hospital twice. Our relationship ended with him behind bars for aggravated assault. I felt like I was nothing. I felt like if I just ended my life my son would be better off because he would go to live with relatives who could care for him a lot better than I had been. I texted a friend from church and long story short I did not end up taking my life that night. All I needed was for someone to step in and to check on me and stop me from what I was about to do. There is a really good documentary called "The Bridge" it is about the Golden Gate Bridge which is a destination spot for people who choose to commit suicide.  A lot of the survivors who jumped said they immediately regretted jumping. They said if just ONE PERSON had talked to them then they wouldn't have jumped. 

One of the worst things someone with depression can do is to isolate themselves. You have to get up and get out. If you are a friend, you've got to get them out or come to them. The worst thing you can do for a person who is depressed is nothing. Teens are taking their lives, kids are now taking their lives because of bullying. It's such a scary trend. The mental healthcare in America is really lacking. A lot of homelessness is due to the lack of mental healthcare. Without proper medication and counselling it's impossible to hold down a job or have relationships. I've used a lot of Pastor Rick Warren's quotes throughout this post. The Christian community was shaken when we learned of his sons passing. You just never think suicide is going to touch such a strong and faithful servant's family. 

Mental illness doesn't discriminate. It can happen to you. It doesn't matter how much money you have or how many friends you have, it can strike at anytime. It's important to be aware of the signs and symptoms. If you are having symptoms of depression or anxiety make an appointment and speak with your Doctor. Don't worry about what other people will think. Your main priority is to take care of yourself so you can take care of others. I had a primary Dr. who I loved more than anything. She described it like this. Imagine you're on an airplane, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then put it on your child. If you don't then you're not going to be there to help your child. Dr. Huang retired but I always loved her wisdom. Mothers have a lot of responsibility. Sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves until it's too late.

If you are considering suicide call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and click the link for more information on suicide prevention and facts www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org